Dry spell (according to https://idioms.thefreedictionary.com)

1. A period characterized by an extended lack of rain.

My plants are looking all withered thanks to this dry spell we've had recently.

2. A period characterized by a lack of activity.

Because I'm going through a dry spell as a freelancer, I'm constantly worried about how I'm going to pay my bills.

3. slang A period during which one has not been able to engage in sexual activity.

No, I haven't had sex since I broke up with my girlfriend, OK? I'm just going through a dry spell right now.

I’m putting this question out there first, then will slowly make my way back to it…. To me, it’s about an obvious flaw in an otherwise very fun and enjoyable episode, but of course, Your Mileage May Vary…

How does an episode of TGD that is built around Shaun and Lea’s 9-day absence of sexual activity end happily, YET WITH ONLY THE BARE MINIMUM (pun not completely intended) OF A SUGGESTION THAT THE “DRY SPELL” GETS RESOLVED?

Like I said, episode 5 x 12 was for the most part great fun to watch. There was plenty of Shaun and Lea, there was a sweet yet humorous Patient of the Week situation in Brenna the Virgin, there was Asher getting serious about his love life, there was Jordan working her outstanding bedside manner to new heights, there was a more serious Patient of the Week with Mari the Undocumented Photographer and her slow-to-forgive fiance, there was Glassman and Andrews dealing with the ongoing EthiCure fallout by way of a brand-new St. Bon’s baseball team because hey, why not…

It was fun, but it was A LOT. Probably too much. 

Definitely too much.

It’s not the first time I’ve thought this about a TGD episode, as you probably know. We’re all aware of the cache of deleted scenes that turns up on each season’s DVD; it’s standard procedure on any scripted program to have too much to work with rather than too little. But this was one of those episodes that had me with a pen, paper, and a stopwatch on the second and third viewing as I made lists and calculations, eager to see how time was allotted. 

At a glance, here’s the breakdown I came up with:

1. 45-year-old virgin POTW- 8 scenes, 9:59

2. #Shea + talking of #Shea (Shaun/Jordan)- 7 scenes, 9:29

3. Undocumented POTW- 7 scenes, 9:03

4. Glassman/Andrews and the baseball team- 4 scenes, including Shaun/Glassman’s cafeteria scene, 6:25

5. Asher, his new quest, and the nurse- 3 scenes, 3:46
   
   

A few scenes served dual purposes. Although the initial angle of the Shaun/Glassman scene is for Shaun to seek advice, the multiple interruptions are why the scene is as long as it is (over 3 minutes, while most TGD scenes don’t even come close to 2 minutes!)... and it’s the multiple interruptions that pointed Glassman in Andrews’ direction with a baseball team in mind. Another one is Shaun and Jordan’s hallway scene, which started and ended searching for their “runner” patient Brenna… but the middle part was bubble baths, light bondage, and sex schedule recommendations– in other words, #Shea solutions. 

Asher Overkill?

• Asher’s story of regret was intended to connect with Mari’s dilemma with her fiance; instead, I felt it overwhelmed it… leaving me almost expecting Asher to wonder out loud “Why was I telling you this again? Oh, yeah…”

• A big part of his story was the taboo of coming out in a Hassidic community and the reaction of his father in particular… something that has been covered at least once before, in enough detail that we know Asher has a long-unread letter from his father that he opened and read (with some modicum of visible joy) earlier this season.

• With Asher’s love life coming into sharp focus by way of at least three other scenes in this same episode, this 3:14 scene simply felt indulgent to me. I can only hope that when Jordan gets the personal-life spotlight– and she may already be overdue!-- it will feel more organic.

And While We’re Talking About POTW #2…

Did we need POTW Mari at all? It gave this particular, “light” episode the dramatic heft it didn’t really have otherwise; it also encouraged seeing “the undocumented” through a multi-dimensional lens, and we know TGD takes pride in this kind of thing (as it should). The problem I saw, though, is the same problem I often see on TGD– Big issue, insufficient amount of time to explore it. We’re five seasons into this show– aren’t we at a place now where the characters can drive it at least as often as the cases do? And can’t they find a way to make ONE Patient-of-the-week the rule rather than the exception? 

To my point on the character-driven stuff, let’s get into the baseball subplot of “Dry Spell”-- which almost irritated me as much as the lack of #Shea payoff.

Play Ball!-- sort of

Once again, I don’t feel great complaining about this subplot and its efforts to show Andrews’ post-Salen struggles against the backdrop of Glassman simultaneously build hospital morale (not the same as Lea’s morale-building!). But there was an utter ridiculousness to doing it all within one episode that I just can’t ignore. Simply recruiting all the necessary St. Bon’s players should have taken one episode– are we supposed to believe that everyone we saw in that 1:07 at the end was comfortable enough with a bat and ball and the time commitment involved to sign up, no questions asked? Are we to believe Shaun, in particular, had zero qualms about doing so? Maybe there was a deleted scene situation here, but given Shaun’s historically extreme resistance to change, it felt inauthentic to see him suited up alongside the rest with no explanation. (Perhaps the fact that he had his coat on over his jersey was supposed to be the tipoff that his commitment to the game was minimal?)

But even the most casual of sports teams don’t just come together like magic– not even in film. Particularly not in film, as half the fun is in watching the hodge-podge of players learn to function at least a tiny bit as a unit. I speak as someone who adores the film Bull Durham AND has a brother that played real-life professional ball in the very league around which Bull Durham was written… so maybe I’m more frustrated about this than most of you. But to me, the St. Bon’s baseball team could have been a subplot with at least a three-episode arc– one to assemble the team, one for practice games, and one to showcase an actual game as much as possible. All of which could’ve also served as a backdrop for any number of storylines: hospital communication issues, continued infighting between Lim/Andrews/Glassman, #Parnick stuff, #Shea stuff, even #Jasher stuff, even if they opted to come and cheer St. Bon’s from the stands.

Instead, we nonsensically saw Lim, Jordan, Park, and Morgan as sudden “ballers,” while the one character who had an autographed baseball on display in her home (Lea) didn’t get to play because, well, this was “Dry Spell”-- not “Stealing Home” or any other baseball metaphor you wish to employ. 

Which brings us back to #Shea’s dilemma… which, ironically, had a most promising beginning (for us as viewers) yet a mostly unsatisfying ending.

ANALYSIS OF A “DRY SPELL”

We start with Shaun forgetting his laptop, then coming back to the apartment to retrieve it– only to find Lea in the midst of boosting her own morale (and kudos, right there, to writers April Fitzsimmons and Sam Chanse for coming up with one of the best masturbation metaphors I’ve heard in years!). A bold start to the episode, as many of us noted… and the first time masturbation has been mentioned since Shaun and Lea attempted to resort to phone sex (Okay, FaceTime sex) during the “Frontline” pandemic-themed episodes. 

1. While we never see Lea discussing their sex life with others in this episode, Shaun and Glassman’s chat was more than enough “outside discussion” for the both of them.

   1. I’d be remiss if I didn’t let you know, in case you didn’t check it out yourself… the book Glassman referenced DOES exist! And of course I’m left to wonder if this is a book that “Debbie” (Sheila Kelley) introduced in real life to husband Richard Schiff (Glassman). 

   2. During Glassman’s entire discussion of the car– sorry, FERARRI– I was listening closely as Shaun surely was, trying to get what he trying to say amidst all the “revving the engine” imagery.

Meanwhile, it was Shaun’s (Freddie Highmore’s) facial expressions that made me laugh the most. They were minimal, as they almost always are in a typical scene, but you could still feel Shaun’s frustration when their important conversation got hijacked repeatedly by staff… as well as his eagerness to get things right (“How many?” with regards to the candles… a note that Shaun should have passed on to TGD’s set decorator, haha), and his gulp moment at being told he should refrain from The Weather Channel for the night. 

When Shaun added “Including wine… and a relaxing massage,” how many of you half-expected Lea to look around and say “Wow, who’d you line up to do THAT?” But no, Shaun’s been practicing his technique… presumably since last year… and it showed. (This IS the guy who said how much he liked “hard work” not long ago…) 

Unfortuntaely, our girl Lea is so relaxed she goes right to sleep, leaving Shaun to pop a chocolate in his mouth much the way he downed the Mallowmar cookie in S2’s “Faces” and ponder his next move. 

(Full disclosure: I would have skipped the wine and gone straight for the chocolates… but I likely would have zonked out just like Lea did.)

But Shaun’s take on the whole thing is completely endearing, and makes sense– a very long-term, happily married couple “that still wants to touch each other.” I mean, how likely is it that he’s heard such a success story anywhere else? From Glassman? From his own parents? 

Not that Lea’s ever likely to see it as objectively as Shaun can, but I presume his take on things got her to at least give scheduled sex a try, given how eager she was to leave the ball game… 

To be crystal clear– everything we were privileged to see and hear from #Shea in this episode, including the final 1:07– was wonderful. But now let me break down that last scene further:

1. :00-:07 establishing shots to indicate we are taking the story across town, to Shaun and Lea’s apartment, to Shaun and Lea’s bedroom

   :08-:24 dialogue about how the “on the clock” feeling seems too off-putting to get them in the mood

   :25-:41 Shaun explaining “who Viktor was” and the unintentionally hilarious story of POTW Brenna and Viktor getting stuck

   :42-:56 Lea’s laughter, Shaun’s reaction to her laughter (eventually laughing too)

   :57-1:07 Lea saying “Come here” to Shaun through the laughter as they make their way to a horizontal side-by-side position, kissing for all of three seconds before fading to black.
   
   

   And then I said (to TGD in general) You’ve got to be f***ing kidding me. Not just out of disappointment for what we STILL have never been privy to see with #Shea, due to COVID protocols or writing/directing choices or both…

As you see in that above Tweet, the Shea Endgame account revealed (ahead of the show last Monday) that TGD’s film crew had an intimate scene coordinator on hand to film the “possible” #Shea encounters during this episode. And I say “possible” because– according to my sources– the final scene as we saw it was NOT the one that appeared on the call sheet to be filmed.

The final scene, as it appeared on the call sheet, was to feature Lea taking off her blouse and diving under the covers with Shaun as they kissed… and, one presumes, whatever they wanted to film beyond that.

I have to say “presume” because… get this… the scene I just described was never filmed.

Why not? Get THIS: My sources indicate that with all the sexually explicit references that existed within the script– masturbation, bondage, the word “sex” itself (which was uttered 28 times in the episode), to say nothing of the storyline involving Brenna the Virgin– it was decided not to generate any further controversy for the “Dry Spell” episode by adding #Shea’s “undercover” scene.

(Upon hearing this, I said– again, to TGD in general– You’ve got to be f***ing kidding me.)

FURTHERMORE… the scene we DID get was originally a lot longer than the 1:07 that made it into the show. 

By my count, that means those of us in #Shea Nation who enjoy the thrill of a heated love scene– the kind that you find yourself watching on repeat, the kind that leave you holding your breath without realizing it until you sigh with a sound you didn’t know you could make while gazing at a screen–

Those of us? We were denied twice in this episode. Once by what we did get (just barely) and again by how WORDS– spoken relatively late in the evening, on a program that routinely carries a TV14 rating– prompted the cancellation of what we still somehow didn’t get.

It blew over for Shaun and Lea, or so it was implied. And yet, oddly enough, the dry spell continues. 

Go figure.